ACET Essay: [currently untitled]

Since it's application season for fourth year high school students, I'm among the many who applied to take the ACET, or the Ateneo College Entrance Test. Along with the application form, students have to submit a personal essay on what particular event or accomplishment in their life made them the person they are today. Here's my answer.

 

photo by Miguel Luis Deluria

It could have been how beautiful the horses looked as they splashed in the waters, their chocolate brown coats glistening in the pale morning.

                  It might have been the two children whose arms and necks were browned by the sun, sitting at the base of the carabao’s neck, their dark, deep-set eyes following mine as I rode past them.

                  Or maybe it was the way the waves danced along the shore, teasing, pretending to run away, but always coming back to it with a soft, gentle kiss.

                  Maybe.

                  But really, it was everything from that little trip to the seaside that made me into the person that I am today. I had been waiting almost my whole life to fly to the island where my lola grew up. When she would tell me stories at our long wooden dining table, my feet would itch to climb the same coconut trees, run along the same dirt paths, kick the same sands, and cross the same fields. I finally got to do those things I’d dreamed of doing around three hundred and sixty five days ago in the warm month of April.

                  I took a little bit of everything from the small island of Ticao back home with me, and let those things simmer and settle in the veins of my self. From the corners and shelves of the old wooden casa I found a love and curiosity for old things. The dusty frames which held the still faces of my lola’s fathers captivated me with their mystery, interesting me in my family and Philippine history. The kissing trees and the sky with its blues made my hands flash and want to sit at the wide window, capturing their beauty on paper with pencils, pens, and watercolor markers. A love affair with the ocean and the secrets its deep waters held slowly spread throughout my body, and I gladly drank in the entirety of this vast, endless beauty. I ached to live among the island natives and toss the warm earth with them; I wanted to show them that they are worth more than they think to me and to this country.

                  I went back home quite reluctantly some days later, with only an art journal and some voice recordings as proof of my visit. I thought that I could memorize everything about Ticao if I tried, but in my heart I knew that my memory was not to be trusted. So instead, I took what I could and gave them homes in my art, my stories, my poetry, and… my self. Because of this, I can recreate that dot of an island anytime I want; I just have to bring all the pieces of memory back together.

                  I am Sofia Paderes, and I like old people and old things.

                  I am Sofia Paderes, and I hate losing books.

                  I am Sofia Paderes, and I am in love with everything about the ocean.

                  I am Sofia Paderes, and my favorite animal is the horse.

                  I am a girl who takes things apart and spreads them around in what she creates. It’s up to you to find these pieces and trace them back to where they came from. If you take what I create and look closely, you might get lucky and find a little island off the coast of Masbate.

                  Maybe.

Nothing Else

          Blaring radio advertisements, women in skimpy clothes posing beside shiny new cars, billboards that block out half the sky, TV commercials cramming their empty words down your throat… It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when everything in the world was good, but that was before the fallout of man. Now we live in a world that screams, I WANT, I NEED, I, MYSELF, ME, ME, ME. The ads that we see everywhere we go all promote one thing: the self. They tell you that what you have is never good enough, and that to be happy you need the latest, the nicest, the most. This is what happens when you combine man and money, because we are all selfish creatures inside. Don’t you for one second deny it; you know it’s the truth. It says in Jeremiah 6:13, “From the least to the greatest, all are greedy for gain; prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit.” All are greedy for gain. All practice deceit. Why? Because we are sinners who live in a sinners’ world.

            If I knew about the lies and influence of the media earlier on in my life, I would have taken the truth harder and felt guiltier, because I used to be that kind of person. I used to confuse my wants with my needs and sigh about not having enough allowance or a new phone. I would have said that my wants and needs were almost the same; if not, the same. That was I before I fully put my security in Him and said, “You know what, Jesus? This time, I am really giving You my all, and I am going to throw myself into seeking You.” It was then I discovered the secret that Paul mentioned in Philippians 4:12. My contentment comes from my hope being anchored in Him and Him being in me. My wants and needs? Jesus. He is all I want and He is all I need.

            We can see people’s thoughts, their values, and morals in the decisions they make, and we see those decisions and their effects in economics. Consumerism is a big part of economics, because that is where all the decision making lies. Do I buy this or not? Do I buy the whole pack, or just one piece? Do I buy this brand or that brand? It reveals what we truly value in this life, and therefore shows what kind of lives we lead: either one that is contented or one that is always hungering for more and is never satisfied. I have learned that I want to lead the contented life. I am still being refined and have got a long way to go before I reach the finish line, but the cry of my heart will remain the same:  that the things of this world will never sway me, and that my eyes will always be fixed on Jesus. And nothing else.

midnight thoughts

people want to find peace and a place where belonging is felt.

people try looking in places, things, and other people that don't last.

people need to realize that what they're looking for

is not of this world.

Love is...

Red Christmas Tree by Gretchen Kelly

Recently, I've been reading the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, because my friend Jireh made me, haha. I'm glad she did, though, the book's really good. I'm not yet finished, but I've picked up so much from the book. I just want to share with you my favorite quotes from the book so far. A lot of people misunderstand what love is. I love how Joshua Harris describes it.

"I'm an unworthy sinner that God chose to rescue and forgive. This is love."

"The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, 'This is love.' God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, 'This is love.'"

I hope that we all understand that love isn't about us or our feelings. It's about His love and how He showed it. His love isn't butterflies in the stomach or floating in the air, it's sacrifice.

Unchanging, unfailing, everlasting, saving, unending, indescribable love.

Why replace that with emotions that pass as quickly as they come?

1 John 4:10

"This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God."

Yes, this is love.

Holding Onto Hope

HISTORY 10

PADERES, SOFIA

PERFORMANCE TASK

METACOGNITIVE ESSAY: Holding Onto Hope

            Nothing could have prepared me for what I learned in history class this year, nor did I ever expect to listen to lectures like them. These lessons changed my perspective on the Philippines and Filipinos, and made me really understand why things are as they are, resulting in an even deeper love for country. They helped me grow up a little more, showing me how ignorant, selfish, and foolish my way of thinking had been before. I was able to locate the negative thoughts I'd been harboring about my country and replace them with thoughts of hope and how I can help. Two important insights that helped me grow as a person are the following: Before you judge, take a look at the history behind your subject of scorn. Also, everything happens for a reason. God has a purpose and plan for our country, and for that, there is hope.

            I learned and relearned so many things, but what stuck to me the most were the lessons on the Spanish and American occupations, democracy, and human rights.  They all taught me just how fallen this world really is and how blessed I am to have come to know His amazing grace at such a young age. I learned about the true meaning of freedom, what the love of money does to people, and how much injustice there really is in this nation. I especially learned that the Americans aren’t the perfect, golden-haired, innocents I thought they were and that our heroes and people have so much more to them than I thought. My “Why?” questions were answered, my eyes were opened, and my sleeping heart was stirred.

            I used to laugh when I'd hear Filipinos replace their 'v's with 'b's and their 'f's with 'p's. I would grumble at the “corruption of the government” and think that the fair skinned were more beautiful. I got used to the sight of MMDA officers, street sweepers, and firemen without stopping and thinking about them. All of that changed after this year, when I realized that I have no right to think that these people are insignificant. They are not just people; they are my people, part of my country.  My view towards these people changed especially when I learned how they came to be and how they are still being oppressed and treated more unfairly than I thought. Considering everything I learned about them and our history, I think that the end result of a history class should be a student with a changed perspective and a heart of hope and willingness to do something about what he or she had just learned.

            If you ask a young student about what they learn in history, they will most probably answer you with a bored and indifferent tone that they learn about dead people and Presidents. A likely follow up comment would be, “I don't understand why we need to know this. They're dead and have nothing to do with me.” Clearly, remembering and honoring these people that they study about do not even occur to them. I thought about this, and came to the conclusion that their indifference is because of colonial mentality and ignorance.

            Colonial mentality, which is the result of hundreds of years of physical, verbal, and economical oppression, is abundant in the minds of young students in the Philippines. Since their view of their country is already a view of contempt, criticism, and that Filipinos are losers, learning about the people who have fought and led the nation does not matter to them because they have a poor impression of their country and its people already. In their minds, it's useless to learn about people who fought and lost anyway.

            Ignorance, as some people say, is bliss, but it is also a prison. The students, ignorant of the relevance history to the present, don't know the reason for the way things work or why and either can't do anything about it or simply don't care.

            We have to wake these students up, because they are the future of this nation. Honestly, if I want to encourage them to have genuine hope and respect for this nation and to unlearn all the contempt and apathy in them, I am going to have to sit down with them and give them a long lecture on Philippine history. This topic isn't something that you can explain in a few sentences, but if there's one thing I'd like to tell them, it would be to never stop learning. When you learn things, you don’t just store up that bit of knowledge and keep it to yourself. You do something with the knowledge that you have, and that’s what I hope will happen when the youth learn and learn. I want them to learn so that their eyes will be opened and they will feel the warm, glowing pride and love of country.

           

            God's Word is spirit and it is life, like fire and a hammer that can break rocks into pieces. It never returns empty, piercing bone, marrow, and flesh. The very breath of God has been breathed upon it, it brings hope, gives life, and changes lives. I will end with a passage entitled God Forgives The Repentant, found in Isaiah 57:14-19 (NLT).

God says, ‘Rebuild the road!

 Clear away the rocks and stones
    

so my people can return from captivity.’

The high and lofty one who lives in eternity,
    

the Holy One, says this:


‘I live in the high and holy place
    

with those whose spirits are contrite and humble.


I restore the crushed spirit of the humble
    

and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts. 

For I will not fight against you forever;
    

I will not always be angry.


If I were, all people would pass away—
   

 all the souls I have made.

I was angry,    

so I punished these greedy people.
I withdrew from them,
    

but they kept going on their own stubborn way.

I have seen what they do,
    

but I will heal them anyway!
    

I will lead them.
I will comfort those who mourn,

bringing words of praise to their lips.


May they have abundant peace, both near and far,’

says the Lord, who heals them.”

           

            I cling on and claim to that promise of revival for the Philippines. Words cannot describe how much pain I feel when I hear about the injustice and evil that has happened and continues to happen in my country, and I know that I know not even half of what actually goes on everyday. These verses speak so much to me because they give me hope and a promise I know will be fulfilled, if we turn back to God and repent. He promises to heal us from our wounds and restore our crushed spirits despite all the sins we’ve committed. All we have to do is humble ourselves before Him and ask Him to forgive us. I pray that the future generation of Filipinos will realize this and declare Him the Lord of this nation. I pray for repentant hearts, healing, peace, and true freedom for this nation. I am praying as I wait for my turn to make a change or even the smallest impact on this nation. I wait with a hope bursting in my veins and an aching in my heart. I wait. I wait and wait. 

Never Forget To Say 'Thank You'

2013, huh? The years seem to pass by faster and faster as I get older and older. 2012 for me was short, quick, and jampacked with all kinds of events and happenings. Memory isn't always a reliable source, because we tend to forget a lot of things. 

I read somewhere that in life, a few big things and lots of little things happen. It's nice remembering the big things, but the little things are enough to make you smile and thank the One who gave them to you.

That's why I started making thank You lists. I started it in 2011, following my dad's example. All you need to do is get an empty notebook, (or even use the back of a notebook you're using now) and every time something happens which you're thankful for, jot it down. No matter how shallow you think it is, like a friend treating you to a cone of Mr. Softy's, if you're thankful for it, write it down!

It was heartwarming reading my 2012 Thank You list (5 back to back, A4 pages long!). A lot of the things I forgot happened were there, and I was reminded of all the good times and things He gave me. It also makes you feel more grateful and blessed seeing every good thing that happened during the past year. I hope you try it out. Reading that thank You list in 2014 will be a refreshing and beautiful experience during your quiet time.

"He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'”

Revelation 21:5

Everything Starts Small

I like ideas. I like how ideas form letters

which form words 

which form phrases

which form sentences

which form paragraphs

and dialogues

which form stories

and poems

and songs.

I like how ideas

create,

and they can create

pretty much anything.

I like this poem, because it's short, 

but it captures how small things

are the beginnings of big things.

From A Word Springs A World

by K Balachandran

each word
is a seed
containing
a world
of possibilities.