it still hurts sometimes

We had lunch in a great Japanese restaurant along Katipunan today. Katsu Café has awesome curry and miso soup, and it's cheaper than Yabu. (which has excellent katsudon and curry, by the way)

I really liked the miso soup. Peach-flavored Sola iced tea is yummy.

Here's a poem I wrote in the restaurant while I watched Lola eat. This is for Lola, my hero in a skirt.

I smell the miso soup and curry

though its bowl’s contents 

have been long licked away

I see you when I look at her

Her eyes that wander and eyes that sigh

longing for you as I do.

Maybe even more.

She waits and speaks and fights.

I wonder if she wants to be with you yet

I hope not, because I need her still but 

I need you, too.

It’s selfish, but I am speaking my mind.

The pain I felt

three weeks ago when I remembered you was physical

My breath came in short puffs 

and the tears pricked and the leaves swayed 

as I looked out the dirty window.

Maybe I was expecting you to swoop down, hug me, 

and tell me you were sorry 

for leaving so soon.

So, so soon.

It’s time to go, so I touch the small of her back lightly 

and help her into the car

something you used to do.

I am not angry.

But it hurts.

Knowing that you never saw me dance 

or play the piano 

or walk up the stage to receive my diploma

Knowing that I’ll never be Princess Aurora 

and you’ll never be Prince Philip or the dragon again

Knowing that as long as the sun rises and the moon smiles

I’ll still be here

without you

I love her.

Know that.

So for you, Lolo*, I’ll take care of her as well as I can

because I know it will make you smile

and that will make me smile too but I still miss you

and it still hurts sometimes.

*Lolo - grandfather